Young Guns

What is it about Boys and Guns?

So much pleasure from the finding of sticks that look and feel like guns. They scramble the dunes looking for the best bits of driftwood to make the most perfect revolver. The wood is metal grey, worn smooth by salt and sun. The wanted pistol moulds into the hand, with a snug trigger, a round muzzle and angled grip. In the end they have an arsenal lined up against a sandy coloured rottnest wall. Sorted into piles of mine and yours. Perhaps they could buy a bag from the store to carry them home in. Small hand guns, bigger rifles, bazookas, rocket launches.

At five in the morning two boys leave the chalet through their bedroom window to go back down onto the dunes to look for more weapons. Get an advantage on the enemy. The sand is night-cool on their feet. Shiny black King Skinks scuttle through the undergrowth. Parents have midnighted their room with the heavy curtains drawn tight. When the small boys get up the older two will have an advantage. Better guns.

ps Check out the stick guns

Rottnest Recollections

Jasper – skinny, ribby, already sun burnt by the weakened sun on the first day. Out under cloudy skies there is beach cricket. Wobbly driftwood for stumps. Rashies stretched to knee length dresses. Then a strange rain shower. Never before in November. Short, fast, but wet all the same. A hurried retreat to the chalets. Rain pock-marks the ocean. The children take turns to have a meltdown. Bolognese is being cooked all along the lane. Disobedient children have the law laid down; No quokka hunting for them. Evan asks if we intend shooting the quokkas we find. Smell the frying onions. Men playing twelve bar blues on the ukes.

***

Young boys go past on the shore with brand new bikes. In the salt water. Their wheels make a delicious noise on the hard, wet sand. They leave a trail as if pushed through setting cement. We raise our eyebrows. We all know it will be bad. Minutes later a clothed woman is chasing them down the beach. Next comes a father. Marching the boys back, wheeling their bikes now, one still manages to get it in the sea. Lap lap splash – a wave on the wheel. Then the father – “I told you to fricking keep it out of the fricking water.” – using all his will power not to swear as he passes us. Other adults. He has used it all up. He yanks on an upper arm, jerking the boy and bike further from the water’s edge, and then slaps the boy hard across the back of his legs. The boy is felled. An axe to a tree. To his knees he drops on the sand, buckling over. Wincing with pain perhaps, but with humiliation more.

***

Sam is five. He has cherub cheeks. His eyelashes are pale tipped. He loves Star Wars. On the nightly Quokka hunt he tells onlookers sipping wine on their balcony – “Jedi Business. Go back to your drinks.” Tim buys him a soft quokka toy, instantly disliked by White Ted, but friends with the more amenable Blue Ted. White Ted is grounded for 14 days for trying to kill quokka ( Sam explains – bears eat meat and quokkas are meat ), but the bad bear won’t stay in his bag. White Ted keeps undoing the zippers and needs to be given to Tim in order to remain grounded.

***

White caps signal the increasing wind. The once peaceful, calm ocean turns to dirty rough water. On the horizon grey clouds stamp down like stained feet. Sam, pale face, stays back in the chalet with me while the others take on the head wind on their bikes. He is entrenched in war fare on Graham’s iphone, using his thumbs, dexterously, straw bale hair and strawberry blushed cheeks. He is pouting while he works; “what the hell”,  his expletive when war doesn’t go his way. Outside I can hear a father say, “keep swimming, keep swimming,” urging children, stick-like and freezing to continue on.

 

 

 

 

 

Lady Bird Lady Bug

As I wait for school to finish I watch ladybirds as they make a freeway of the wire fencing by the beach. They zimmer along its surface, paying no heed to up or down. Gravity has no pull on them as they motor their coiled highway. On my neighbour’s roses they munch their way through the aphids. Their numbers are flourishing on the lavender bush too. Red ones. Orange ones. Their little hard shell capes fan out and wings beat.

Ladybird ladybird fly away home

Your house is on fire and your children are gone.

We didn’t call them ladybugs. But ladybugs are what they are. Google says it is so. Not Ladybirds, says Jasper. How can they be called Ladybirds? Bugs not Birds. But both the neighbour and I know the rhyme and the way it went. The sound is familiar and right. Ladybird, Ladybird fly away home, your house is on fire, your children are gone.

My father loved the ladybird. The only insect he revered. A Good Insect. A worker, a helper to him and the rose bushes. He made us butterfly nets so we could catch the dastardly white cabbage moths that threatened to devastate his vegetables. Their wings so fragile, papered to nothing, their bodies minced by the catching of them.

He is in the garden with a Dutch hoe to rid the rose garden of the small, futile weeds. The soil is dark and like ground coffee. After the hoe, he uses the rake, making the earth furrowed. Neat waves wind between the bushes. The soil so carefully tilled. It is dark and wet, like chocolate sponge. It would be nice to be able to lie on the lawn with a book, but there are always jobs to be done. It is not safe to be outside and not engaged in work. The gum tree oozes chores. It is the season of the peeling bark. Bundled into crispy beige piles and forced into hessian sacks still smelling of wheat. Dragged to the back corner incinerator where dad is the only one with the matches. Ladybird ladybird fly away home.

Behind the Curtain

I am in one those curtained spaces in a doctor’s treatment room area. It is supposed to provide privacy. But it is a weird sort of private. One that presumes our only sense is sight. Like a face hidden from a baby behind closed fingered hands. Peekaboo. Because the willowy curtain does not stop the voices of the nurse and the patient in the next curtained space. Not contained or isolated at all. No secrets. Material, just flimsy wavy material. Bug ridden, no doubt, too.

Beside me a woman and her mother are having the elderly woman’s leg seen to. I need not see her, or the gammy leg, to have a full picture of what has gone on. She has just come out of hospital where she has spent three weeks being treated for cellulitis. I know this before they mention the diagnosis because I have had the condition myself and I can tell from her array of symptoms that this is what she must have had. She talks of the shivers and shakes when her temperature was up, her sense that she was dying, and the residual swollen painful leg that she has now and the reason for her being at the GP’s rooms.

She is telling the nurse that her stay in the hospital was her first since she had her daughter. I am thinking whoop to do. No wonder she knows so little about medicine, about her own body. Nothing has ever gone wrong with it before now. She has never been in hospital? And she is, I am guessing from her voice, in her seventies. I am beginning to be annoyed by her. Jealous I guess. A life lived without disease, without illness or disability and all that that entails. The daughter too seems unknowledgeable about the swelling in her mother’s leg, asking;

Are their fluid tablets she should take for the swelling? Then when asked about allergies to antibiotics the mother says No but adds she is just allergic to Penicillin.

The nurse places a clip that measures oxygen saturation on the woman’s finger and the woman says the nurse must be a technician to use all the equipment. So I am breathing? says swollen leg.

So what can they do about the swelling?

All you can do is elevate your legs as much as possible, the nurse suggests and do these exercises with your feet to keep the circulation going.

Oh the nurse at the hospital suggested those exercises too. And deep breathing. I have been doing them, although I didn’t know what on earth they were for, says the elderly patient.

When I spy them at the reception, the mother white haired and about seventy, the daughter about my age, I look down at the old woman’s bandaged leg to see the swelling. It is not bad. She still has a definable ankle. She can get a shoe on her foot. I do some deep breathing.

 

Shark Weather

The day started out overcast. The sky and sea merge. Dead calm. Mill pond. All the phrases come to mind as I view the coast on the drive to school. The ocean is glassy, the ripples so far apart that the sea takes on the look of a shiny floor; able to be walked upon. A Jesus surface. And Rottnest on the horizon is sharply in focus. Normally it is a smudge out there. Land, yes, but not decipherable. Today even the dunes can be seen, shining iridescently white and the lighthouse, and the wind turbine too. Three ships sit on the ocean, like they have been placed atop the silvery floor. A helicopter patrols the misty water. The sun starts to break the ocean’s surface, turning it again liquid. No longer mauve organza settling on a dressmaker’s table.

Telling the Time

For a long time Jasper has had trouble with reading the analog clock. Everyone reads the time off the microwave. 6.50. Little fluorescent squared numbers. Marching on without tick. Without tock. 7.30. Help! 8.15. Shoes on. Didn’t I tell you already. Have you done your teeth? Shoes! It doesn’t help that for most of his life our antique kitchen wall clock has been stuck on ten to eleven – a beautifully in between time.

Recently Graham got the old clock going again. It has a loud tick tock. An incessant heartbeat – a clicking tongue, a real reminder of lateness. It is invasive, but a chance to learn to read the time. An essential skill that seems to have slipped through unlearnt. 20 cents for each correct telling of the time.

We haven’t had dinner. Graham isn’t home. What’s the time Jasper? Ten to eight. No. What time does dad get home? I dunno. How could it be ten to eight. Look at it again. Is the hour hand before the eight or the seven?

Before school the same routine. What’s the time? 8.30? No. How can it be 8.30? What time do we leave home in the morning to get to school? I dunno.

For I am the keeping of time in our house.

Always the one to harp – are you ready? We should go! We should go now. In every house there is a clock watcher. I get it from my mother who kept time for my father. Call Dad. Tell him we are leaving in five minutes. Still she is a keeper of time. She has an egg timer that she sets constantly and while you visit it goes off. But there is no cake to get out of any oven. No sprinkler to move to another patch of grass. Perhaps it is telling her you have been in attendance ten minutes. Or perhaps it is telling her it is fifteen minutes before her lunch. To take the role of clock watcher one vows; Never late. Always early. Always waiting for other people. This is what my mother passed on to me.

 

Old Money

Going through Goong Goong’s things I find a dark green vinyl policy wallet from a company that I think doesn’t exist anymore. The M.L.C – the Mutual Life and Citizens’ Assurance company Limited, and in its plastic sleeve some old bank notes. They are fervent reminders of the past when paper money was really paper not plastic. And even though their value is poor – for it is only a five dollar and a ten dollar note – I remember them as if a child when ten dollars seemed so much money. Think what you could buy with ten dollars. The feel of the note is substantial, weighty, crisp. Real. It has a smell to it. If I hold it close to my nose I can smell him – or how he used to smell when he was the provider, the carer of the family, the man of the house. The money has the smell of a man’s wallet. Of leather and trousers. Of corduroys and car travel. Of Adults. Then with another whiff, comes a whimsical careless notion that it has been given to you by a generous old Aunt, the one with the stiff swollen knees, smelling of rose water, from a purse with a clasp, who has told you to spend it on something you want.

It is not like money today that is spat from a machine, stuffed in the wallet before it is seen, handed over as quickly as it is received. Or else a wallet with no cash but bulging with plastic. Paying by card. Tapping in PIN numbers. OK. Fifty dollar notes made of plastic polymer, smaller and less pretty, buying next to nothing, with no smell and no feel.

Australian money – once so playful. So colourful. Like we really knew that money should be fun. Purple, blue, green and orange. Designed as if by clever children. Not sombre. Seventies notes – Not suits and ties, more flowing frocks and bell bottoms.

Sleeping in the Sitting Room

I am six when I enter the sitting room late at night to find my parents. I have a pain in my ear. Or perhaps it is my tooth. I cannot articulate where the pain is. Or even what it is. It is a new sensation. Not one I want again. It is making me cry. I am. Crying. I am. All pain. All ear. All tooth. The room is spinning. My parents are cross after a time when their consoling is making no difference to my whimper. Bex. A bed is made up in the sitting room so I can be close to them. Perhaps this will make the pain go away. Away. Bex is crushed and mixed in strawberry jam. A teaspoon big in front of my face. Open. Open. Open wide. Eat it. Drink it. Swallow it. Lying on my side I feel a throbbing. Being close to them is not helping. Darkness helps. Close my eyes. Head deep in the made up bed. Close to the floor. Close enough to place a palm on the floor. Feel their footsteps through the wood. Come and go. A palm on my forehead. A flannel. Whispers.

 

Drug Deals

Drug deals go on outside our house on the park by the community pool’s fence. It is out in the open really. It is not clandestine. The guys wear baseball caps; one even has it backwards. They have the requisite baggy pants, the crutch of which is around the knees. Like babies whose nappies are sodden and heavy, they walk with an awkward swagger.  It is sunny and clear and the air has a fresh washed-down smell to it. Or no smell. No sheep ship.

Lately the local paper has complained of the drug’s trade escalation and some locals have died due to the high purity of the stuff on the streets. I am reticent to let Jasper take the lane way home after tennis, in case he comes across a drug deal. It used to be the homeless and the drunken who made us take the long way. Now it is the pushers with the puffy shoes and the oversized trousers. Yesterday hail came down and shred the Golden Robinia of its spring leaves, peppering the footpath with yellow.

It is time for school pick up so I drive to the school near the ocean. I take the dog so he can exercise his nose. Three foot high cliffs of sea weed border the shore. Winter storms have dumped it here, to stagnate and smell. To dogs it is heaven sent. And perhaps heaven-scented. The waves carve out caverns making shipwrecked hulls of the grey mounds. Bees are busy about the dunes, their legs bulging with the burden of Yellow Dandelions.

Four Chinese girls sit on the kerbside by the beach. One hands the others a Kleenex baby wipe each to rid their feet of the soft white beach sand that you or I would neither notice or care about.

We return home and the drug dealer’s oval is awash with after school sport. Criss crossing it are high school students and a pair stop midway to kiss. They stand facing one another and she puts her hands on his shoulders as if to steady herself and to secure him to the spot. The pony-tailed girl is a couple of inches taller than the boy. He breaks off the kiss. He spins her around by yanking on her rucksack and they collapse together on the grass. She leans over him to kiss him again. Look Mum sex on the oval, says Jasper.

Fighting with Forms

I have been putting off filling in the forms I must attend to on behalf of my mother. After the third attempt at applying for my Dad’s super I feel like giving up. Always in need of certification, or a photocopier. I have given my address for my mother to make it more streamlined so that mail comes straight to me instead of to the nursing home but the super company wants a letter with her residential address on it. Nothing else will do. To forge or not to forge. In the end I must go to Centrelink.

It is raining after all and I cannot walk the dog. I wanted to try a new route near the river. New smells for him. I wanted him to run through weeds, snort in sand, but instead I am driving to Centrelink to queue.

The woman at the computer screen says I can just hand in the form. No I really want to see someone because I am fearful I will not have all the right stuff with me and I want to know. Now that I am doing it I want to make sure it is done. Sitting across from someone real makes me confident it will be recorded.

There’s a wait you know. Forty five minutes at least.

Wish I’d brought my book to read. But it’s okay. It’s Centrelink. There’s always something to see.

A woman with no shoes and what looks like either bird shit or glue in her hair is at the counter next. She has bruises on her calves. I suspect they are from abuse. I think this because she is at Centrelink and I have already labelled her as deprived. She is agitated and stalking around. She trails a cotton shirt. Then she puts this over the top of her puffy jacket. There is definitely something not right with her. She queues. She stops queueing. She asks the room for a pen. I don’t offer her mine because how else will I write about her?

I sit with others waiting in a semi circle around a television where Larry Emdur tells us about great new shopping opportunities. Steam cleaning carpets or pet insurance. Pet insurance seems particularly ridiculous in here. Larry looks exceptionally clean, so rock jawed and white teethed when compared to my fellow Centrelink customers. Most have vinyl rain jackets on. Most have down turned mouths and nobody is smiling enough to see the colour of their teeth, but I suspect not the same sheen as Larry’s.

A woman comes in with a three year old scally wag. She threatens him continuously. He has a shaven head except that the fringe is left long. It is an extremely ugly haircut. She keeps saying, Do you want me to smack you in front of all these people? He is running around out of her reach. Don’t go out there or that big dog will get ya. She wants him to sit down next to her and have his juice and chips that she keeps saying she has. Perhaps they are in the Thomas the Tank engine knapsack. Bribe, threat, bribe, threat. He is zooming. On a run past she grabs him by the neck of the jacket and swings him up onto her lap. She pinches his earlobe and he says, you hurting my ear. She says, Not yours. It’s my ear. I made it.